From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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