she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
