I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
