i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
