I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
