So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had sex on a dog bed..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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