I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
