on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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