I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
