Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Too much gin, very little bucket
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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