I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
