You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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