Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
