Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
