Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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