Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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