He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
