just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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