Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
