: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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