I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize