it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
