I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
