remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
