Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
