Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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