go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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