i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
