Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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