I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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