You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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