we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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