we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize