next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
