Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
