Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
