Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
