come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
