All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
