we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The air taste purple.
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