The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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