maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
