I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
