return my video game
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I take back everything I said about communal showers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
