Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
