i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
