I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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