I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
