Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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