My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
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Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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