dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
