remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
