Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
