just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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