i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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