i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
