All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
