Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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