You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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