you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
